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Comedy of 'an error'

Life is unpredictable. Just when my life was perfect, it started falling apart; and just when I started believing that nothing was going right, I took a left...Ha! Ha! No, actually things have started falling in place. RV has started accepting me as a part of his life, again. I don't know if it is my patience that worked or his love for me that did the trick. He spends all his spare time with me these days. He sits with me and not his friends when he comes to college. 

That day, he held my hand after a long time. He has always resisted feeling my slightest touch in these few months but that day was different! All of the students again went to a news channel for some program and RV asked me to come. This time RV took the front seat in the cab and thankfully, did not sit with any of the girls. Palak and I had a lot of fun during our 'outing'. It was only after dusk that we came back and sitting in the cab at night and listening to similar music reminded me of the trip. RV had again occupied the front seat in the cab which was an Innova. I was sitting in the middle seat of the middle row. RV had turned around to talk with us. Amidst all this, he held my hand and gently caressed it. I could feel my heart beating real hard. I did not want that moment to end. The moment was just so perfect. I have captured it inside my heart. That day he hugged me as well. I hadn't foreseen a day so beautiful. His presence just made me forget everything else.


Changes - for better, for worse

Things have finally started getting better between RV and me. He has started treating me nicely. We chat for hours at length. He still doesn't go out with me alone but he goes when all of us are going somewhere. By the way, all of us have left Anant, our dramatic society. It happened after a grudge session where we realized that the society is not as beautiful as it seems. It has an ugly face too. There is a lot of politics going on inside this small happy family. And I hate politics. I initially thought that I'll be able to concentrate on the acting part of the society and forget about the politics. But I could not do it. None of us liked them poking their noses in our personal affairs.

I told RV how furious I was because one of our very close friends who is also a senior had told other seniors of the group about our personal issues. This is my life and I do not like anyone at all messing with it. I respected Anant a lot but I just can't stand politics. So, all of us except Riya quit Anant.


Joy and sorrows

I was finally happy today..after so long.. BUT..that was for a short period of time!

As you know dear diary, that all my friends, including RV, are in a different course. Today Palak told me that they all were going to some studio of a news channel to be a part of the audience as some famous business entrepreneur had been invited to host the show. RV was made the in-charge of the team. He could decide who to take. He also asked me if I wanted to go. "I am not from your course. How can I go?" I asked him with a mixed feeling of excitement and astonishment. I was astonished because I have stopped feeling that he wants to spend time with me. But to my utter surprise he said, "So what? I'll manage. Come along. It will be a nice experience." I immediately agreed. I was cheerful that day. I was going to spend a little time with RV after so long. So what if others were going to be present too. 


Valentine's day

Valentine's day...A day to celebrate love, a day to spend with your loved ones.But in India this day does not hold much relevance. Some people are totally against valentine's day. Some do not celebrate this day and some go to the extent of not letting others celebrate this day. RV falls in the last category. According to him this ‘GenX' is stupid as to be making merry on a day made by the Europeans and for the Europeans.


New year

31st of December. It will be a new year tomorrow. This year has been the best year of my life. It has given a lot to me...a wonderful college, best friends and...RV! Everything has been so perfect. But even gods envy a person who is blessed with a perfect life. This year is ending on a bad note. Suddenly, things have taken a turn for the worse. RV does not talk much to me these days. I don't know what's wrong. The only connection between us is internet. No phone calls or anything. I haven't seen him since long. It all happened after his exams got over and the winter break began. Even when we chat online, he is rude to me most of the times. I try to be as calm as possible. I still behave in a polite and nice way because I don't want to upset him or fight. I don't want to lose him. But Its like...I don't know him anymore. He doesn't behave like the person he was...or he pretended to be. He doesn't share anything about his life with me.  He doesn't tell me what is happening in his life. He is not interested in what is happening in my life. He doesn't want to know anything. He does not ask me anything. Even if I tell him something, he is so disinterested. So I have stopped telling him everything. Earlier, he used to ask me everything that happened during the day. But now he is not bothered. I feel sad. I don't know what's wrong. He seems to be irritated with me all the time, as if I am an intruder in his life.


Love and more

I am studying a lot these days. Well, my exams are after a month and I usually start studying two days before my first exam but this time I have nothing else to do. It is exam time for B.Com people and as you know, I have no friends in my course. So I have no other option left. I don't have much people to hang out with or talk with because of my group's exam. So I just study all the time. I keep a book by my side all the time and the first thing I do when I wake up is open my book and start reading. I study all day long and then go to bed. 

They are left with just two exams. I don't get to talk to RV much. He attends my calls sometimes when he is not studying. I know some seniors from his course so I keep telling him what's important and what not. That in one of the reasons he attends my calls.



I had a bad day today. RV and I fought for the first time. I actually cried today...huh...this is so embarrassing. I never cry.

We celebrated Anant's birthday today. When I told my mom that we are celebrating Anant's birthday, she first thought that Anant is a guy. Ha. Ha. I had to explain to her that Anant is our college's dramatic society. I wore an Indian dress for the first time in my college life and I got compliments. We all enjoyed a lot at the party. We sung, danced and ate. Many of us had prepared something or the other. Everyone liked my dance performance. When Suchit and I were performing everyone was shouting RV's name. Palak told me later that he was smiling throughout the performance. Pratima said that the performance was very romantic. Everyone could actually feel the romance. 


My perfect life

10 days have passed since our return from the trip but everyone still seems to be thinking about the trip all the time. We have "legendary tales" to narrate to everyone who was not lucky enough to be on that trip. Everyone has been congratulating me ever since. It feels good. College life is just what I had seen in movies and dreamed about. How can God shower so much happiness on someone? My life is just perfect. Perfect friends, perfect love and perfect college. Everything is bright and lovely. And you know what..Some people are even jealous of my life. They say so to me.


One more day of love..

On 4th November, one day after the most beautiful day of my life, I woke up in an ecstatic mood. I had a dream that night...I saw RV and me happy together...together for years to come! 

That day our teachers had decided to take us to "Manu Temple". We got ready and went to boys' room to see if they were ready. I hugged RV. Everyone intentionally left us alone in the room and went to have breakfast. I became uncomfortable. I could see that RV was feeling more uncomfortable than me. He immediately got out of the room and asked me to lock the room and come downstairs. That was a very awkward situation but I got a feeling that he really respected me. I was happy that RV had reacted this way.

After having breakfast we all were asked to go to Manu temple, 3 kms from Manali, on foot. Initially, we all walked together but later everyone was walking in their own small groups. I was walking alone...I wanted to. I love spending time alone at such places. I like to think about this life, nature and this world. RV thought I was upset about something so he came to me and started walking with me, but I told him to let me be for sometime. Then we reached a market where all of us again sat down together to rest. But after sometime everyone started walking again, leaving RV and me alone. This time there was an awkward silence between us. I was shy and he was clueless about what to talk. This was our first day after an official relationship and we had never felt this way before with each other. But gradually, we again started feeling comfortable with each other. 

When we reached Manu temple, everyone saw a new side of me yet again. They saw me worshiping Krishna. I stood there inside the temple communicating with Krishna for more than half an hour. RV was surprised to see that side of me. Not that I am very religious or something..I just believe we all need someone to talk to..someone to believe in! From a very young age, I started seeing the image of that someone in Krishna..and over the years I have become a strong follower of Him. I believe that even if I have nobody with me, I'll still not be alone because I can always share everything with my God. After the visit we again started walking. At one place we saw a beautiful bench placed under a tree. The location was so romantic. Suchit asked me to sit there with RV. They wanted to take a picture of me with him. I looked back and saw all the teachers coming. I did not like the idea very much so i plainly rejected, RV pleaded with me but I am so damn stubborn that now I am regretting my behavior. Why couldn't I just get a picture clicked? RV and the others were very disappointed. Why am I so unromantic..huh!

Finally, the beautiful and unforgettable trip came to an end. We had to leave for Delhi that very day. But before leaving we were still given some time to wander in the market. I went with Riya to buy something for RV. I got our names painted on a key ring. I bought some other random thing for him. It was not very expensive but I just wanted the thing to always bring back all the memories of Manali. We all were so engrossed in shopping that we never realized that we were late and when we reported at the bus stop, all of us were punished. The principal told us to keep standing inside the bus. But when we saw that no one was watching, we silently sat down on our seats. I gave the present to RV. He was overwhelmed with joy. He said, "If i could I would stand up and hug you." 

We once again had a lot of fun. I never had so much fun in all my life. Eventually, sleep overcame everyone. It was a full moon night and we were still on the hilly track. Mountains and the full moon was a treat to the eyes. RV was holding my hand and talking to me about the beauty of everything. Every minute that I spent with him, unraveled to me how romantic he could be. But I was too tired to say anything. I did not want to but, sadly enough, I slept! I woke up in the middle of the night to see that RV was still awake. He was waiting for me to wake up. I apologized to him for sleeping and then we started talking again. Everything was so peaceful. He was looking into my eyes. His gaze was fixed on me. I was again feeling shy. I told him to stop staring at me but he never moved his eyes away. I again started feeling sleepy. I tried to control it but couldn't. I requested RV to sleep but he said it was such a beautiful night. "How can I sleep? I don't know when will we ever have the opportunity of being together like this. I just want to be with you right now." I was feeling helpless. No matter how much I tried to keep myself awake, I just couldn't. I don't remember when but I again dozed off. I woke up with a shudder when Kashif almost yelled, "Isha, it is 8 in the morning and you are still asleep. We have almost reached. Look RV did not even sleep at night. He was waiting for you to wake up." I felt bad..really bad. How could I have done this. Riya and Suchit told me that RV had been up all night and was singing songs and disturbing them to keep himself awake. I asked RV as to why he didn't sleep. He said that he was waiting for me to get up. I asked him, "Why couldn't you wake me up?" I felt horrible when he said, "I did not want to disturb your sleep. I just wanted you to wake up yourself. And by the way, you look beautiful while sleeping." 

We finally reached college but none of us wanted this trip to end. When we got down from the bus Riya dragged me to a corner and told me that Suchit had proposed Riya that night and she had accepted it.I was shocked at first but when Riya and RV told me that Suchit had the intentions of proposing her all the time I felt happy for both of them. Now, it was time for RV to go back home. I hugged him tight. I did not want him to leave. I watched him going with mixed emotions of joy and sorrow as he moved towards the metro station.

The Manali trip was the most awesome thing that ever happened to me. We had all gone to the trip as individuals and returned as a group of inseparable friends and lovers. 


The best proposal ever

I am back from the trip. I had no time to write anything but  I'll tell you everything that happened on the trip. 

I am COMMITTED! Yes, he proposed me. I never expected this after he said that he was not ready for a relationship. 

On the first day of the trip we went to Rohtang pass. I was so excited and charged up that I trekked all the way to the peak of a high hill. 13 of us started trekking but only two could make it to the top. Everyone was so impressed. I was feeling proud. Even our principal praised me. :D We all ate maggi and had fun when we came back. Then in the evening we were back to Manali. The teachers said we could roam the streets till 8. Everyone was busy shopping. The girls went back to the hotel because they were tired. Only Riya, Isha and I still had the energy to look around a little. The guys looked more interested in shopping. They were looking for I don't know what! They did not even bother to take us along. They left us alone in the market. But we too didn't care. We flirted with some other guys. And when we realized it was getting late and we had to get back to our hotel, which was in quite a secluded place, we called RV. RV was not at all bothered. He told us to hold on and was talking to the shopkeeper. I was angry. I dropped the phone and then Riya dialed Suchit's number. He also seemed busy shopping. We were mad at them by that time. It was dark and they did not even care about us. Leave the rest but RV? We were so upset that we decided to go back on our own. Angry as we were, we started heading towards the hotel. The path was so creepy that we got scared. Riya scared us more by saying, "Tie your hair in a ponytail. I have heard that there are many spirits on hill stations." We were praying all this while. To our relief, we came across two male teachers going back to the hotel. We covered rest of the path with them. 

But when the guys came back, we did not talk to them. RV kept on apologizing all the time but I did not want to talk to him. Suchit and Kashif  left hope after some time but RV didn't. We had a bonfire party that night. Riya and I were dancing separately. We did not want to dance with those careless people. But rest of the group was dancing together. Later RV and Suchit again apologized and this time I accepted the apologies. But Riya was still not listening. She started talking to RV but had a terrible fight with Suchit. She said that he was a rude and arrogant person. But later that night everything was solved. Riya and I talked for hours at length. We had suddenly become such close friends. But one thing that was disturbing me...Isha's behaviour. She had been very rude with me since the time we had boarded the bus. I was unable to understand her problem. Initially, I tried replying politely to every harsh comment she made. Later, I had no patience left! I did not talk to her much after that. Even RV was not very nice to her. Whenever Isha tried coming close to him, he rudely ordered her to maintain distance. I was not very comfortable with his rudeness but I was happy that he atleast took care of what I did not like.

Next morning was cold but pleasant. We were given just an hour to get ready, and we were four people in one room. We quickly dressed up to leave for Solang valley. I had no idea when I was having my breakfast that the day was going to become the MOST MEMORABLE AND BEAUTIFUL DAY OF MY LIFE. After having breakfast, we were to catch a local bus - the only mode of transport to the valley. Everyone occupied the last row. Riya and I sat together. RV was busy watching the beauty of the was I! It took us an hour to reach a place some kilometers from the valley. The bus did not go any further. We had to walk our way to Solang. As we were all taking pictures and happily walking, our principal commanded us to trek downhill. He pointed towards the hill on which the road was made. The hill was covered with trees and bushes and we had no ropes or sticks. But none of us showed any sign of complaint. Instead, we ran as fast as we could to win the undeclared race. After reaching the lower road, we were taken to a beautiful lake. We had to cross a delicate bridge. Then came the biggest challenge for me. Because of my previous day's over exertion, I was suffering from backache, and we were told to climb a steep hill which did not even have trees or bushes to act as support. It was grassy and greasy  I climbed it with great difficulty. Suchit had to hold my hand all the time to push me upwards with him. RV had already reached the top. I was really angry with him for being so selfish. Later we went to a very beautiful village. We were jumping on the roofs of the houses. After some time we had to go to some other place. Again, our respected teachers told us to take a shortcut. It was a cramped road. Even walking there was a difficult task. RV was holding my hand. All the teachers were behind us. I was surprised. RV was the sort of guy who would not do anything to spoil his image in front of teachers. He knew what I was thinking. He said, "I can hold your hand here, right? The road is not good and we have an excuse. No one will find it odd." I just kept quiet and nodded. We were taken to some place to have lunch. After lunch we were given time to have some fun. RV was reading something. I went over to him and asked him what was written. He abruptly hid the page and said it was nothing. Just some poems he had brought with him to read at this beautiful place. He asked me to leave him alone for some time. I did as he said. We all enjoyed a lot there. It was 3:30 and we had to catch the last local bus which would leave at 5:10. If we missed the bus, there was no other way of going back. So we started walking towards the bus stop. I felt that RV was behaving differently. His behaviour had, all of a sudden, changed! He was sweeter than usual. We all sat in some dhaba near the bus stop. It was 4 'o' clock. 

After everyone had settled, RV said that he wanted to explore the place and so he wanted me to come along. I didn't want to go alone with him. What would the teachers think? And if we missed the bus? So I hesitated at first. But when he insisted I went with him, still doubtful. He took me to a beautiful but secluded road. We sat on a bench made on one side of the road. Behind the bench was a beautiful meadow covered with trees and fallen leaves. RV talked to me about life, us and love. I was still trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Then he asked me to enter the meadow with him. I declined his offer. I was scared. Why did he want me to go to the meadow? What was in his mind? And what if we did not make it at time for the bus? He requested me many times but I never agreed. I said that I wanted to go back. He was irritated and he said, "Why can't you spend some time with me? Why do you want to go back with me? Okay, if you want to go back then let us go." He stood up angrily. I was more than relieved and happily went where others were. When we went back we saw Riya and Isha fighting. Riya was calling Isha a bi***. I asked Kashif, who was a silent spectator, as to what had happened. He told me that Riya was angry with Isha because she thought that Isha had bi***ed about her. Meanwhile, RV was talking to Abhi. He said that I wasn't going alone with him so Abhi offered him to give us company. I readily agreed but I was confused that why were they so insistent on going to that particular place. It was 4:40. All three of us went back to that place. Abhi and RV talked to me for a while. Then Abhi also requested me to spend some time alone with RV. I again rejected. Then Abhi went somewhere and he said he was coming..though he never came back. It was 5 now and I was restless. In 10 minutes the bus would leave. I now begged RV, "Please, let us go back. Otherwise they'll leave us." He was annoyed and he angrily agreed. 

As we were walking back, RV suddenly started praising my inner and outer beauty. I felt like a fool who did not understand what was RV trying to do. He said, "Sometimes I just feel like praising you. Please stay here for a while." And then he started saying something in different languages. I did not understand a word of what he was saying but then he said, " Hindi they say Main tumse pyaar karta hoon and in english I Love you." My heart skipped a beat when I heard this. He had never said the "love" word before. But I still had no idea why he was saying this when he suddenly bent on his knee and took my hand into his'. I was shocked. I did not know how to react. I started shouting. "Get up for god's sake! Someone will see us." "Today, I don't care if someone sees us. I'll not get up till I finish saying what I want to. This is the way you wanted it to be. Isha, I love you and you are special to me. I want you to be my lover. I want you to be with me till fate wants us to be. I wanted to give you a surprise. But before you answer I want you to know three things:first, you know that my career is my priority. Second, if you'll be my girlfriend then you'll be completely mine. And third, I want you to be true to me." I was too shocked to say anything. I was standing with one hand covering my lips and the other in his hand. I was trembling. His hand was shaking too. I couldn't get a word out of my mouth. I simply nodded saying yes. But I had decided one thing...that no matter what happened I would never be disloyal to him. I would never hurt him or leave him. I would be with him forever. I didn't tell him that because I was speechless. He was happy. He stood up, hugged me and kissed me on my cheeks. He had kissed me for the first time. The feeling of being hugged this time was different. I felt like I belonged here. He took out a handmade card from his bag. He had made this especially for me. It was a lovely card. He had written all his feelings on the card. He had even gone as far as decorating it. He also gave me the idols of kullu and manali. Kullu was the king and manali his queen. He told me the significance of the couple. He told me that it would always keep us together, as was the popular belief in the region. He also told me that he wanted to give me a buoquet of flowers and that is why that previous night he and the others had left us all by ourselves, but they couldn't find one. I was just too happy to say anything. I was blushing. I could feel the heat. We were walking back holding hands when Abhi came running and told us to rush or the bus would leave. It was such a dramatic scene. We were running, still holding hands. 

The bus was waiting for us. A senior told us to quickly get into the bus. I was panting. There was no place to sit...not even to stand. So we made some place to stand. RV was standing behind me. He was holding my arms. Abhi looked at him with a questioning look. RV made a gesture saying yes. Abhi went to the front where rest of our group was sitting. RV made me sit somewhere. Isha sat on my laps. Then we heard voices of everyone from the front shouting, "Congratulations RV!" I was still blushing. I hid my face. When the bus reached Manali's market everyone started congratulating us. I couldn't say anything. Palak and everyone was asking me what happened. I was silent. The boys were so amazed to see me blushing. They had never seen this side of me. They had always known me as a tomboyish person. Kashif made a video of me. Everyone asked for a treat. RV treated everybody. RV bought an ice-cream for me but I was too excited to eat anything. That night when we went back, we went to the boys' room. But soon the teachers came and told us to go back to our rooms. Riya took me to the corridor and asked me about the proposal. I was telling her eerything when we saw RV and some seniors standing in the corridor of the lower floor. I said Hi to RV. He went back to his room and brought a video camera. He asked me to come downstairs and take the video camera. It was Isha's camera. I shyly said that I didn't want to come. I am sure he would have been amazed by my behavior. Anyways, he came upstairs. Well, the camera was an excuse. He just wanted to hug me and wish me good night. That was the best day of my life. I have never had such a beautiful day in my life. RV has done something that no one has or will ever do for me. I feel blessed that I am so special to a person that is so special to me too. I used to tell him what my dream proposal was like...but I never knew that he would make my dream come true...

I just love RV. I am so happy. I am too sleepy now. I'll write the rest of it, dear diary, tomorrow..Good night...Love will prevail!!


The journey begins

We have reached Manali. I am sitting in the hotel room writing this. We started the journey yesterday. Yesterday was beautiful. I performed for the first time. We, the first years, gave our first ever performance! I cannot even explain the feeling. Performing in front of so many children...performing for a cause...I felt proud!

We didn't have much time after the performance to prepare for our trip to Manali. So all the 'Anantians' who were going on the trip rushed back to the college to make it in time. My house is near college so everybody had kept their belongings at my place. Palak, Suchit, Riya, Abhi, Aanchal, Kashif, Isha, Vasudha, me and...RV are a group! I finally told RV that I knew he was coming. He did not react much (as always) but he definitely did not like it. 

We all went to the college only to find out that the bus hadn't arrived yet. We were having fun. We clicked photographs,  we cracked jokes and were eagerly waiting for the journey to begin. At 4:30 in the evening the wait was finally over. We were on our way in a few minutes laughing, playing and singing. We had a great time in the bus. 

We all were standing in a row, singing when the bus stopped with a jerk. We all fell one over another. Everybody else started laughing on us. We quickly stood up. Kashif had fell on me so he was behind me. He hid himself behind me n pushed me forth to quickly occupy one of the seats to save himself from the embarrassment. That was so damn hilarious. We were all laughing hard afterwards.

As night fell, everybody started dozing off one after another. RV was sitting next to me. We were holding hands. After some time he started playing with my hands...I felt nice...After a while....I SLEPT! When I woke up in the morning, I could see a disgusted look on RV's face. We finally reached the hotel. We were given time to freshen up and now we are going to visit Rohtang pass. I don't know what it is, but I am enjoying the trip already. I have to go now. Everybody's waiting!


The secret!

Today RV went shopping with me. And that, dearest diary, was the most annoying shopping session ever. I simply love shopping. Shopping brings me to life. It is actually my life. Whenever I am sad, I just shop and shop. And then I am perfectly fine again! And guys do not know anything about shopping. They just spoil the whole thing. So did RV. Thankfully, I had not planned to shop much. Otherwise I would have killed him for ruining it. Actually he would have never gone with me had he known that I was going shopping. He somehow misunderstood the whole thing. He thought we were just going to spend some time together. He was so pissed at me. But, he is sweet and nice to me all the time. Never does he complain much.

And you know what? He has got his name for the college trip registered. He didn't tell me that. That was supposed to be a surprise for me. But I came to know today. We were heading back home. We were sitting in the local bus. I received of message from Abhi. He said that he wanted to tell me a secret but said that I had to promise him that I would keep it safe. I obviously said yes. He would have told me anyways! His message was "RV will be joining us for the trip. He just wants to give you a surprise so he did not tell you. Please don't tell him that I told you. I just thought you should know." I seriously felt like dance after reading this message. I started smiling. RV asked me why was I smiling without a reason but I didn't tell him that I knew the big secret. Though I now know that Abhi is not good at keeping secrets.

I had never imagined that RV is such a romantic person and I am so special for him. Well, I have had boys drooling over me before but I never felt so good about someone doing something special for me. It just seems so right!


The first kiss and something totally unexpected...

I kissed him on his cheek today. It was abrupt and unexpected. He was talking to someone and was looking so cute. I just couldn't resist it! I gave him a peck on the cheek. He stood there, silent! For a moment he did not realize what had happened. He started fumbling. He was distracted. I enjoyed watching his reaction. But I was equally embarrassed at what I had done.

This was not the only unexpected thing that happened today. I was sitting in the canteen when RV came to me and said, "Listen, I want to talk to you. It is really urgent." Ugh! This is the most annoying line. I just get nervous when someone says this. I tried to look totally indifferent, "Yes, tell me. What is it?" "No, not here. I want to talk to you in private." This made me even more nervous. I tried to recall things. Had I done something wrong? What did I do? My mind started racing. He walked towards the classrooms and I followed him. He was looking for an empty classroom. Finally we settled in one of the rooms. The look on his face told me it was serious. He cleared his throat as if he had a lot to say, "I know you like me. I like you too, you know that right? But right now I am not ready for a relationship. I am just 18 and I have a lot to do. I have different priorities.I want to achieve something first. And I can't waste time on a relationship. There are so many boys in our college. I'll find a boyfriend for you. You don't have to stay with me. And I don't want you to expect anything from me." I was hurt. I was hurt not because he did not want to be in a relationship with me, but because he did not have faith in me. How could he think that I just wanted a boyfriend? How could he think that I would leave him if he couldn't be in a relationship with me. "I'll be with you. I don't care about the relationship thing. You are there with me, that is more than enough. But you have to have faith in me first. I won't go away just because you have other priorities." I almost yelled. He seemed to be satisfied with the answer. He did not say anything else. He promised to meet me after classes and went away...And we did meet...everything was normal, like nothing ever happened. I have no idea what am I trying to do with my life. But one thing is clear in my mind. I am not going to expect anything...Expectation is the cause of all trouble!


A lot coming ahead!

I am soo busy these days. In a few days I'll be performing for the first time. Anant is to perform in a government school, as I told you. Basically, it is a street play (nukad naatak) and our theme is PAISA (money). Well, I don't have a very special role, but as they say, every role is important! But RV's role is totally awesome. And he delivers it even better! He is playing a woman. WOW! and when we see him we just can't help laughing. He is so dedicated that he concentrates only on his work when we are practicing. He doesn't even talk to me. And that reminds me to tell you what I didn't. 

Yes, he did miss me! I was so relieved and happy when he told me that he missed me. I came back to Delhi a few days ago and I directly went to attend the session. RV was already sitting there. He saw me and smiled. I smiled back. When we had some free time, he came to me and said hello. Honestly, I did not expect to get such a "cold" reply. But later when we were sitting in the park he said, "I should have hugged you when you came. We met after so long and I just said hello." I shyly replied, "No, it is alright. You don't have to do something because you think it has to be done that way because we like each other. Do it only if you feel like." Well, he changed the topic after that. I asked him if he was ready to start a relationship now. He requested me to have a little patience. He said he is waiting for the right time I don't know what does he want and what is he thinking. What does right time mean? I sometimes don't understand him at all.

Anyways, I was talking about the street play. So we are working hard. It is extremely hot and we practice in the ground. I am so excited. Our play is on the 1st of November. On that very day we also have a college trip..A trip to Manali. Suchit and Abhi are interested to go. Riya also wants to go. Everybody is confused. Sometimes they say they'll go and sometimes they say they'll not. Lets see what they decide. I'll go only if these guys go. My classmates are totally hopeless. Don't expect much from them. I am damn sure they'll never go. Ofcourse, their "boyfriends" won't be there. Waise bhi I won't enjoy with them. RV won't be going though. He has a debate competition on 2nd of November. He is a champion! He has won so many prizes in debate competitions. I wouldn't have known it had it not been the day when he came back to college with a certificate in his hand. He had secured the first position. I was amazed. I did not know RV would be this talented. I was so overwhelmed that I hugged him tightly in front of everybody. I could see him blushing. He was speechless for a minute. He! He! But now I am disappointed that he won't be there in the trip but I know that he won't listen to anyone..not even me. He'll do only what he wants to. So what? I have a life! I'll enjoy with him...or without him. Hmm....a lot coming ahead!


College tomorrow

Finally, the day I was waiting for is here! Tomorrow I am going back to Delhi. I want to meet RV. He maintained his word. He did not talk to me for 15 days. Well, he talked me but he was in touch with me only through social networking site, Orkut. We used to exchange scraps and everything but he never did attend my calls. And he has not been online for the last four days. He did not even wish me this Diwali. I am doubtful now. Did he really miss me? I am so eager to go back to Delhi and ask him the questions that have been haunting me ever since I left Delhi. I do not have much to write today. There is a lot running in my mind. I don't know where to start from. I kept poking RV and reminding him that I am there because I was afraid...insecure..I want him to miss me.

And the other thing I have to think about right now is the street play. In a few days I'll be performing for the first time. Akhil bhaiya told me that we'll be doing this play in some government school. I am so excited. I'll be  acting in front of so many people for the first time. Waiting for tomorrow...


Last day!

He won't talk to me for 15 days. I feel the reason he has given is somewhat lame! He said, "I want to make sure that my feelings for you are strong enough. I want to test my love or liking for you. This is the best time as you are going to Chandigarh and I won't have to come across you everyday." Huh! I am going to miss him real bad. And I am getting insecure now..too many things in head..what if he doesn't really miss me? What if he feels he doesn't want to enter into a relationship with me? Everything will be over. 

Anyways, what gives me some hope is that that today's day was beautiful. RV was really upset that I am going tomorrow. He wanted to spend the whole day with me alone, without interference from anybody. I felt so important. Though I had to spend time with others as well. I couldn't help it! I'll miss all my friends and I wanted to be with them too. We are social animals and we cannot survive without lots and lots of friends. There is not just one person in our life. Moreover, I didn't want everyone to talk about RV and me! So I avoided being alone with him. 

We went to IIT today. We had a lot of fun. A bus was arranged and we all met near the college campus. When I sat in the bus, RV came and reserved a seat for himself, next to me. He kept his bag on the seat and made it a point to keep a check that no one sat on that seat when he was with other people. We were secretly holding hands. I am not very open. Though, I am very bold and frank, but I don't believe in public display of affection. I don't want to look like an asshole in love. It doesn't suit my personality. Coming back, when we reached IIT, RV wanted to spend time with me and only me! He asked me to follow him to some secluded place. But Ahaan ( Do I need to mention that he is also an Anantian?) said he was going that way too and he would not mind accompanying us. But Ahaan, RV did mind! RV, indirectly, tried explaining things to Ahaan but Ahaan had no idea about what was going on. That situation was so comical, I couldn't help laughing. In the end, we did not get the chance to be alone. 

Later, during the jam session, RV took me to that secluded place. We sat there for more than an hour. He had become so emotional all of a sudden. He said that he did not want me to go and he was not happy that I was going. I had to force him to get up and join others. Later I felt bad that I did not give him the time he deserved. We reached back college at 8 in the night and went straight to our 'adda'. We clicked a lot of photographs and RV insisted that we got some nice pictures clicked together. He is changing. The lost guy I knew is actually be so romantic!

Well....I hope this was not our last day together. I just hope that RV misses me..


Coming closer

Everybody knows about RV and me. They keep asking me questions like, "Hey, are you guys dating?" "Who proposed?" "When did it all start?". I just have one answer for everyone, "We are not in a relationship. We just LIKE each other. We want to know each other more." Though I would love to be in a relationship with RV right now but he says he wants to know me better before starting anything serious. We spend hours chatting and talking about our lives with each other. He sits with me till late in the night. We like spending time together. And everyday he comes to drop me home and leaves only after hugging me. This feeling is just so pure. It feels like I am loving for the first time, although it is not so! Neither is it RV's first love nor is it mine. I don't care how many relationships I have been in. That is all past and I have buried it all. I don't feel it is necessary to tell RV about my past. What I care about is the present..because RV, unlike the other guys, means a lot to me. I become a kid again when I am with him.

RV is not expressive and sometimes totally insensitive, yet I know that he cares a lot about me. And he even becomes possessive now. Finally, I have achieved it! Today Riya (another Anantian) and I were flirting with Raghav (that has become my favorite past time i guess!) and RV stopped me from doing that. Surprisingly, I felt good about it. 

Even I got jealous today. After the session all of us were sitting in the ground when Isha suddenly went to RV and sat on his lap. Riya and I stared in amazement. What was she trying to do? She even tried holding RV's hand and when she realized I was watching she suddenly withdrew her hand. I was  furious. Being my friend, how could she do that to me? After that Riya and I deliberately teased RV and passed offensive comments. "Yeah RV, how nice of you. You don't want to hurt anybody so if a random girl comes to you and politely asks you to have sex you can't possibly deny, right?" RV was embarrassed. He started giving explanations. He said that she was not sitting on his lap. I knew he was trying to defend himself. But after that he surely did one thing...stayed away from Isha!!!! 

Tomorrow we are all going to attend IIT's fest. The senior Anatians have booked a bus. I am looking forward to this one day with RV and ofcourse all the Anantians because day after tomorrow I am leaving for my mother's house in Chandigarh for 15 days...!


..and the love story begins

RV likes me! I am so lucky...Every time I like a guy, he falls for me. But RV falling for me was like a distant dream. RV is very special. I like him very much . Today he confessed his feelings for me.

The day started like any other day. I did not attend classes, as usual. I was sitting in the canteen with other Anantians, wasting time. RV came after his classes were over. It's Saturday so there was no session today. RV, Raghav and I were sitting in the college ground. I was flirting with both RV and Raghav. With RV, because I like flirting with him and with Raghav, because I wanted to make RV jealous. Raghav is another Anantian and studying Mathematical Science. Raghav was also flirting with me. He held my hand and said that he likes me. As for reaction! At one point I was actually frustrated to see all my attempts failing. 

Feeling defeated, to RV I said, "I want to eat ice cream. Are you getting me one?" To my surprise his reply was, "Ya sure, but you'll have to come along." We bid Raghav good bye and started walking towards the ice cream parlor. We usually hold hands now so, like always I squeezed my hand into his hand. This time, quite unexpectedly, RV pulled back his hand. He said, "Please, I don't wanna get addicted to you. Don't play with my emotions. For you I am like every other guy you flirt with. But it is not the same for me." I was dumbfounded. I was completely blank for a few seconds. After I realized what he had just said I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. But I didn't know how to react or what to say. Finally I forced words out of my mouth, " are not like the other guys to me. I mean....I....I like you. I just have a little fun with other guys. But I didn't know that you like me too. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I was afraid. You are same with all the guys. I was trying to suppress my feelings because I thought they were of no use." he was blushing when he said this. I took his hand into mine and said, "Trust me...I like you and you need not fear anything." He looked into my eyes. There was something more than just friendship for me in his eyes. I assured him that I wasn't going anywhere. And every word that I said is true. I'll never go anywhere. I'll be with him. Things are falling into place. Everything is fine now. As for my past..I have left it behind and it will never be a part of my present. 


Playing the game!

RV's behavior has changed towards me since my birthday (umm..or I assume?). He is friendlier. For the past few days our seniors have been so irritated with us because we keep on chatting all the time during the dram soc sessions. Yea Yea! I know that is bad because my main focus should be acting but what can I do when he talks! I cannot possible ignore him, right? Well, there is more! 

After sessions, many of the Anantians go to their permanent 'adda' to have a cup of tea and some moments with friends. Now I am an Anantian so it is my adda too. We sit for hours talking, laughing, sharing. No passerby ever walks away without looking and smiling at us at least once. No one minds our shouting there because the vendors seem to like us. I feel alive when I am there. We do what we want. We are never without company. RV also spends time with everyone though it takes him not less than two hours to reach his house.

Seniors have started linking us up. That is fun. RV and me! And the most astonishing thing is that he doesn't seem to mind it too. Instead, he has asked me to play along. Now, when we are with the seniors at our adda, we pretend as if we like each other. They know we are just pretending. But we do it for fun. Today we were sitting on a bench in the park and suddenly RV held my hand when he saw some seniors watching us and started talking to me as if planning for the future. For him it was drama, for me it was real! I felt a chill run down my spine as our fingers entwined. 

We have been playing this 'game' for days now but he held my hand for the first time. In fact, he is the kind of guy who would never let a random girl touch him. Few days back Isha tried hugging him. He drew himself away. He says he is not very 'hug friendly'. He doesn't even shake hands with most of the girls. He has never hugged a girl in college as far as I know. Then why did he hold my hand? Just to be in limelight? Or just to have some fun? Or something else? I even flirt with other guys to see if he gets jealous but he never seems to mind. I don't want to elevate my hopes but I can't help it. He doesn't know that I like him and the liking has grown with time. Yes, I am enjoying everything but still need to know his feelings. At least of one thing I am proud of. I have finally started liking someone seriously!! 


17th September - My birthday!

Today is my birthday...It's almost over though....!! It was the best birthday ever...I am so happy today....and guess what happened today. I got a call from some random landline number. When I picked up the phone, someone was playing 'Happy birthday' on guitar. I didn't know who it was but that gesture made me feel really special. And later someone was singing 'happy birthday'. I couldn't recognize the voice. When the person wished me birthday and stopped singing, I asked him who he was. He asked me to guess. I could not! I requested him to break the suspense. He said "RV speaking. How was the surprise?" I almost fainted! Was it really RV? I was blushing. He was the first person to wish me. He called me at 12 midnight. What could be a better day? I had least expected a call from him. He talked to me for 15 minutes. I did not attend any other call during that time. I could have ignored the whole world for that conversation. Luckily, my family came with a cake and some gifts after I had disconnected the phone. When I slept, I had a huge smile on my face. Palak (we share the same room) was staring at me, surprised.

Morning was good and I went to the college all dressed up. My friend and classmate Taru wished me with a bouquet of pink roses. It was beautiful. That was not it! When I went to my class my friends surprised me with a chocolate cake. It felt good. But that cake was meant to please my skin, hair and clothes rather than my stomach! Oh what a mess I was in! My face was covered with chocolate and RV and Aanchal (a friend) held me by my hands and made me take a round of the whole college with that face! To embarrass me more, all my friends were following me everywhere and singing ‘happy birthday’ all the while. People were staring at us. But I didn’t mind the embarrassment because RV was holding my hand. I was glad that my red face had been hidden by the brown chocolate. But later, I had to spend 2 hours in the saloon to get that mess on my face and head cleared!

After college I had a party organized at a disc called Ice cubes. The party was organized jointly by my classmate Rashmi and me. Her birthday also falls on the same day. We had invited some thirty people to the party. I had invited all my friends and some seniors from the dramatic society as well. RV was coming! I wore a bottle green coloured halter dress and got my otherwise curly hair straightened. I knew I was looking good. As always, I was late for my own party. Rashmi was so annoyed with me. Ha! Ha! But what a grand entry I made

RV and Suchit were to come by Suchit’s bike.  When Suchit saw me he said I was looking sexy. RV said I was looking pretty. Ahh..I felt like it was the best day. We all danced a lot. I danced with RV also. RV had a camera. He clicked photographs of everyone. I got some pictures clicked with him. RV gifted me roses, chocolates and a teddy bear, everything that I like. When the party was over Taru and some friends told me that RV had been staring at me all the time at the party. I felt butterflies in my stomach but I did not believe Taru. I said to her, “Oh come on! It is not possible. That guy and staring at me? You are probably mistaken.” They tried to convince me that I had been the center of his attention all the time. I just ignored what they said because I did not want to have any expectations. The beautiful day finally came to an end.

But just as I had reached home, RV called me up again and greeted me once more in the same way as he had done yester night.  And now he sends me a message.  A childish yet sweet poem dedicated to me.  Why is he doing all this? Is this feeling mutual? I am so looking forward to what tomorrow has in store for me. This time is fun and exciting and my 19th birthday is my best birthday ever!


RV's Birthday

Yes! I was the first one to wish RV on his birthday. I had planned to surprise RV with a cake and I told Palak my plan. But such a meanie she is! She told Shruti about the plan and all of RV's classmate brought a cake for him. I didn't even come to know about this plan. I was so pissed, seriously! I was in my class and RV called me. I couldn't obviously pick up the phone. He called me again and i had to switch off the phone. He called on Isha sharma's number. You might be thinking Isha is my name. So who is this other Isha. Well, she is a very good friend of mine and my classmate. She is also a part of our group. Isha also couldn't attend his call. 

When the lecture was over and we went to the canteen all of our friends were already there. Palak came to me with a piece of cake. I was furious, "What? You guys already cut the cake? And couldn't wait for me? All this was my plan and you ditched me?" I knew my anger could reveal my feelings so I let Isha shout at them. She specifically shouted at RV. "Rohan.. Are we not your friends? Why couldn't you wait for us to come?" RV was trying to convince us that he wanted to wait for us but couldn't, "I called you both so many times. All the 'anantians' were waiting for me to cut the cake. I couldn't do anything." He looked stuck. Ha! Ha! Poor RV. He wanted to celebrate his birthday with all of us so he proposed to take us to some food outlet in Cannaught Place (CP). Isha and I were behaving so rudely. I said I wouldn't go with him and he could take his other friends he had cut the cake with. Same was Isha's answer. Palak tried to persuade me and finally I agreed. But Isha seemed to be more angry than me. No one could understand why. I was her best friend then so i tried convincing her. It took a lot of effort on my part to convince her. 

We went to CP by metro. The place he wanted to take us to was a few kilometers from CP. Suchit said he knew the way and we didn't need to take an auto. So we all followed him. Hmm the outcome was that we lost our way and were wandering on the streets. During this time Abhinav and RV were discussing something secretly. Isha and I asked them what they were talking about. RV didn't open his mouth. Isha begged Abhinav to tell what it was. Abhinav told us that there was a girl in RV's colony who has a crush on him and she had gifted him something. The gift was in his bag.What if Abhinav was telling us the partial truth? Maybe he has a girlfriend. Maybe he likes her too. What if he is committed? So what? I am not even serious about him. Honestly, I was a little jealous. But I did not react much. I could not react much! Instead, I was teasing RV. Isha was doing the same and she acted as if she was angry with RV because of that girl. Now why is Isha reacting like that? Does she also has a crush on RV? I am confused. But let it be! I don't care. He does not like me the way I do so I cannot think about him so much. Today was a nice day. His birthday! In the evening we all sat in central park and had a lot of fun. This life is good! Friends, crush, outings. I just love it!

The Dram Soc!

Its been a few days since I have written. I was so busy with college that I did not get the time to write. Waise bhi nothing very eventful happened. But today was great. Our college's dramatic society's session commenced today. So many people have joined the society. There are people from different courses. The members, 'Anantians' as they call themselves, are so cool. There were no auditions. Anyone could join the society. I loved the session today. The session was at 2:30 P.M., after classes. They asked all of us to perform something. I was so nervous and everyone else seemed to be so confident. But finally when it was my turn I enacted Amitabh Bachhan...funny..!

Palak also went to attend the session with me. Not that she is interested in acting or anything, she just wanted to join something and this is the best society of our college. The seniors are all very nice. Ahem... RV was also there. He was looking cute as always. There were other people from Our other friends Abhinav, Suchit and Kashif have also joined this society. We are all a group. Some girls from my course also attended the session. I was sitting with Palak all the time. They all sang songs during the session. The seniors asked everyone to sing a song. RV is an awful singer! My goodness..the way he sings. He wasn't singing when they asked him and when they said everyone had to know what was his song? "Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re"! Disgusting it was. We all were laughing hard. And when he was asked to act, he acted like a drunk man. He acts nicely. He was in his school's theatre society too. My school didn't even have such a society...Huh!

But the sad part was that he never even looked at me during the session. And he left immediately when the session ended. He is so stupid. Guys in my school used to stay back to chat with girls but this guy is different. but anyways, I see no progress. We have talked and hung out together in the last few days but never alone. We are always with our group. Ohh....It is 12 midnight and it is 5th September. Its RV'S birthday! I am going to call him now. I want to be the first person to call him. Ohh crap! I am leaving!


Does he like me?

I am so excited to tell you something! Today something totally unexpected happened. RV and I were sitting watching the fashion society’s practice session and I don't know what suddenly passed RV's mind. He almost kept his head on my lap. I stared at him with mixed expressions of astonishment and anger. He suddenly realized his mistake and sat back straight!  He gave me an embarrassed shy smile. I blushed for a second and then pretended as if nothing had happened. Now what was that? Is he giving me a hint? Or am I just overreacting? Whatever it was, it made me feel good.
After the session I was talking to RV when Palak came searching for me. She had a questioning look on her face when she saw me with RV. I am keeping my feelings undercover because I do not want RV to know anything. Well, I trust Palak but after all she is his classmate. If by any chance he comes to know that I have a crush on him, that arrogant guy will start avoiding me. I know such guys. They can be so mean! Palak started teasing me secretly, “What’s going on that I don’t know about, haan?” I explained things to her, “We are just friends you see. We have so much in common. Whatever you are thinking is total crap. RV and I? Never! He is so weird looking. He is not my type. I told you that day what I think about him.” She seemed to be quite satisfied with the answer and did not ask any more questions. That was a great relief for me.
All three of us sat in their classroom, chatting. Well most of the time I am in their classroom sitting with their friends. Yes, I have friends in my class but their class is more interesting. Those are the people I connect with. I never even sit with my classmates. But I have made a few good friends in my class too, Aditi and Sneha being the best ones. Sneha has a crush on one of these seniors. He is a member of our college’s dramatic society. Well, you know what? RV and I are both interested in joining the dram soc. I am waiting for the new session of the society to commence. See I told you, we have so much in common! Anyway, coming back to the topic, Palak started talking about some random boring stuff. RV and I were both not interested in what she was saying. I was busy thinking about RV. I know, I know! He was sitting next to me but I still could not  stop thinking about him. I was also wondering what RV was thinking about. Was he thinking about me? No, not possible! RV changed the topic and started talking to me about modeling. Then Palak asked us to show her some catwalk. We both, like school kids, agreed to it. She played some music on her phone and  all of us arranged the desks and started walking as if we are walking on the ramp. And my goodness! RV’s walk is so funny. I couldn’t control my laughter. But he looks so cute even that way. I mean he looks cute all the time, but he was looking super cute while walking.
College is not that boring after all. It is good. I am actually enjoying it! But not telling someone about your crush is so difficult and not very happening. When you see a person and you heartbeat increases and you cannot help smiling. But when you cannot reveal your feelings, especially share your crushes, you do not feel very good about it. I have not the least idea what will be the result of this. Maybe just a crush and nothing more? I see no future but this feeling of liking someone tickles me. Eagerly waiting for tomorrow…!



You know what..RV is a good friend now. We have many common interests. He likes modelling. He wants to be in the college fashion society. I wanted to join the same till I saw that society...It is pathetic! Do they even have some fashion sense? me! But the one good thing about this college is RV. Our seniors were practicing today for the freshers' party and RV and I were sitting there, watching the fashion team. And amazingly the members of the fashion society are the same seniors I was talking about the other day. The arrogant girl and that silly guy who wanted to know my name! But they are all nice to me now. 

Anyways, RV is good but I still find him peculiar. He has a world of his own he is always lost in. Ha! Ha! He is a funny guy. And I don't know why he is always running away from girls. And the funniest thing is I always find him standing outside the principal's office and whenever I ask him the reason he has an excuse to give instead! But these are the things that are drawing me more towards him each day. I cannot let this happen to me. We are so different. and moreover, he will never like a girl like me. He doesn't even show any interest in me. 

Today the seniors were holding auditions for Mr. and miss. fresher and we both were sitting there waiting for our turns. But he seems to be the least interested in me.To start a conversation I asked him "When is your turn?" and you know what his reply was? He said why did I care. Huh! This is so humiliating. Ya, ya, as if he is the only guy left on this planet. Someone go tell him that he is as smart as he thinks he is.Whatever! Even I am not thinking about dating him or anything. He is just a crush.....Well yes! He is just a crush.....I guess!