Troubles

I had a bad day today. RV and I fought for the first time. I actually cried today...huh...this is so embarrassing. I never cry.

We celebrated Anant's birthday today. When I told my mom that we are celebrating Anant's birthday, she first thought that Anant is a guy. Ha. Ha. I had to explain to her that Anant is our college's dramatic society. I wore an Indian dress for the first time in my college life and I got compliments. We all enjoyed a lot at the party. We sung, danced and ate. Many of us had prepared something or the other. Everyone liked my dance performance. When Suchit and I were performing everyone was shouting RV's name. Palak told me later that he was smiling throughout the performance. Pratima said that the performance was very romantic. Everyone could actually feel the romance. 

Rv's performance was hilarious. We couldn't stop laughing. Everything went well. I was in the other room when his performance came to an end. He had tied a dupatta around his waist for the dance. He was unable to untie the knot. So he came to me and asked me to undo it for him. When I did, he took the dupatta from me. He threw it around my waist and dragged me closer to him. I was, like always, blushing. I lowered my eyes and gave him a shy look so he had to let me go. I rushed to the room where everyone else was.

In the evening when the party was over he walked me home. I wanted to spend some more time with him but he said he was getting late. He had become a bit rude after the event. I asked him what was wrong with him and why was he being rude. He said it was nothing. I again asked him what was he thinking. He ignored the question and said good-bye. He did not even want to hug. I was confused, angry and hurt. I left without bidding him good-bye. I went back home and did not even look back. 

I have a problem..whenever I am unable to express my anger I start crying. So I went straight to my room and started weeping. I cried because I was angry. I also clicked my pictures because I wanted to see how I pathetic I looked while crying. I know it was kind of lame but then I was not really "buried in deep sorrows" or something. I was just being stupid. Then I dialed RV's number. I asked him why had he behaved with me in such a manner. He said I was overreacting. I asked him if loved me and if I was important to him. He replied, "Of course I love you and you are important." I cooled down a bit and disconnected the phone. Later, Palak saw me crying. She asked me what was wrong. I refused to say anything. She then held my hand and led me to the roof. I told her everything that had happened. She said it was normal in a relationship and I shouldn't be thinking so much. Then I realized how stupidly I had behaved. I laughed at myself after that.

But one thing has been troubling me a lot. I do not know if what I am doing is right or wrong. I haven't told him the truth...the truth about my past...I am hiding my past. I do not want to talk about the past. When I entered college I decided that my past would not be a part of my present. I would never talk to anyone about it. I would start afresh. But now RV is an important part of my life. I definitely couldn't have told him earlier because back then we were not in a relationship. But now if I tell him..how will he react? He'll stop trusting me. I think it is too late. I don't want to spoil this relationship and I definitely won't let my past ruin my present. I love RV a lot and I don't want to lose him. I guess it is best not to tell him about it.