It has been almost a month. RV has talked to me only twice since the time I told him the truth. Even when he talked, he wanted me to feel ashamed and guilty all the time. If I made a joke, he would say that I had to be very shameless to be still making jokes. That dampened my spirits further. But the the truth is that the only time I have really been alive in this one month, was the time I talked to him.
.. I had to tell him. I knew that just one message would change everything for us and for this relationship. But I also knew that this couldn't go on forever. So I messaged back, "I want to confess. Please forgive me for whatever I have to say." He replied, "Yes, go ahead." It seemed as if everything around me was forcing me to tell him the truth. "I lied to you about my past. I have had many relationships earlier. I told you I was committed only once before you came into my life. But it was a lie. I have had many boyfriends. I hid my past because when I came to college I wanted to leave my past behind, I wanted to start afresh. But my past is haunting me till date." I expected to get a shocked reaction in reply. But instead what I got was not what I had imagined. "I know all your past already. I came to know everything after 1 month of our relationship. But I wanted you to tell me the truth. And I was waiting for the day when you would. But you never told me and today I had to force it out of you. Tell me everything about your past and present, every single detail. And I don't know for what reasons you hid your past and don't expect me to trust you on anything." What followed as a dreadful conversation. I tremble even at the thought of it.
Things had been going well for me. Everything seemed better now. RV took me out with him, talked to me on the phone for long hours when he was free and we messaged each other all night. I couldn't be happier. The love of my life was close to me again. I told RV some of the darkest and the deepest secrets of my life during these days. He seemed deeply affected by them. Although, I pretend to be an open book, knowing about my life is not for everyone. It is a privilege enjoyed exclusively by some of the closest people. If I tell you something about myself, then at that point of time or maybe for that particular moment, you were of value to me! I was beginning to see a new dawn in our relationship.
Life is unpredictable. Just when my life was perfect, it started falling apart; and just when I started believing that nothing was going right, I took a left...Ha! Ha! No, actually things have started falling in place. RV has started accepting me as a part of his life, again. I don't know if it is my patience that worked or his love for me that did the trick. He spends all his spare time with me these days. He sits with me and not his friends when he comes to college.
That day, he held my hand after a long time. He has always resisted feeling my slightest touch in these few months but that day was different! All of the B.com students again went to a news channel for some program and RV asked me to come. This time RV took the front seat in the cab and thankfully, did not sit with any of the girls. Palak and I had a lot of fun during our 'outing'. It was only after dusk that we came back and sitting in the cab at night and listening to similar music reminded me of the trip. RV had again occupied the front seat in the cab which was an Innova. I was sitting in the middle seat of the middle row. RV had turned around to talk with us. Amidst all this, he held my hand and gently caressed it. I could feel my heart beating real hard. I did not want that moment to end. The moment was just so perfect. I have captured it inside my heart. That day he hugged me as well. I hadn't foreseen a day so beautiful. His presence just made me forget everything else.
Things have finally started getting better between RV and me. He has started treating me nicely. We chat for hours at length. He still doesn't go out with me alone but he goes when all of us are going somewhere. By the way, all of us have left Anant, our dramatic society. It happened after a grudge session where we realized that the society is not as beautiful as it seems. It has an ugly face too. There is a lot of politics going on inside this small happy family. And I hate politics. I initially thought that I'll be able to concentrate on the acting part of the society and forget about the politics. But I could not do it. None of us liked them poking their noses in our personal affairs.
I told RV how furious I was because one of our very close friends who is also a senior had told other seniors of the group about our personal issues. This is my life and I do not like anyone at all messing with it. I respected Anant a lot but I just can't stand politics. So, all of us except Riya quit Anant.