Things had been going well for me. Everything seemed better now. RV took me out with him, talked to me on the phone for long hours when he was free and we messaged each other all night. I couldn't be happier. The love of my life was close to me again. I told RV some of the darkest and the deepest secrets of my life during these days. He seemed deeply affected by them. Although, I pretend to be an open book, knowing about my life is not for everyone. It is a privilege enjoyed exclusively by some of the closest people. If I tell you something about myself, then at that point of time or maybe for that particular moment, you were of value to me! I was beginning to see a new dawn in our relationship.
But (it seems as if these if's and but's have become never ending in my life) I didn't know that this relationship would probably not see sunshine anymore. Lately, RV had started behaving queerly. Sometimes, he would talk to me lovingly and at times he would just ignore me. He would not talk to me at all. I was confused and depressed. On one hand, I was cursing my fate and on the other, something else was bothering me. "Maybe God is just punishing me for what I have done. Maybe its Karma hitting me on my face." I had never believed in things like Karma but you start believing in things when you experience them. I cried a lot a night before the revelation. I didn't know where to go, whom to consult. I was so directionless. Suddenly something had popped up in my head which was concerning me. "Should I tell him. Or should I just let it be. It has been a long time now. 6 months it is! What if I tell him? How will he react? What if he leaves me." These thoughts were killing me inside. It felt like I was stabbing myself over and over again. But I was tired of living with this lie. I was deceiving him. I was deceiving myself. This relationship was built on a lie. And lies do not last long. I planned to marry RV, have kids with him and see the last winter of my life with him. But every single day I was living a lie. I was fooling around. And now I intended to tell him everything. No matter what it took. I just needed a few days to gather my guts before I could actually face him.
But destiny had different plans for me. It was 2 'O' clock at night. I woke up with a shudder. Palak was trying to wake me up. She said someone had continuously been calling. I checked my phone. It was RV. I was shocked. RV never called me at night. And that evening he hadn't even replied to my messages. Then why now was the question. I further checked my phone. "8 unread messages by RV." I went through them. "Please reply, I want to talk to you..its very important", were some of the messages. I replied" What's wrong? Are you alright?" "I want to confess something. Confessions are important. If you feel you have done anything you should confess." After listening to his confession which was a silly one, I had convinced myself to tell him the truth...the truth that had been haunting me...the truth that would change the direction of this relation...the truth that would shatter his faith in me.....truth that would change this reality into an illusion...
(to be continued)