I kissed him on his cheek today. It was abrupt and unexpected. He was talking to someone and was looking so cute. I just couldn't resist it! I gave him a peck on the cheek. He stood there, silent! For a moment he did not realize what had happened. He started fumbling. He was distracted. I enjoyed watching his reaction. But I was equally embarrassed at what I had done.
This was not the only unexpected thing that happened today. I was sitting in the canteen when RV came to me and said, "Listen, I want to talk to you. It is really urgent." Ugh! This is the most annoying line. I just get nervous when someone says this. I tried to look totally indifferent, "Yes, tell me. What is it?" "No, not here. I want to talk to you in private." This made me even more nervous. I tried to recall things. Had I done something wrong? What did I do? My mind started racing. He walked towards the classrooms and I followed him. He was looking for an empty classroom. Finally we settled in one of the rooms. The look on his face told me it was serious. He cleared his throat as if he had a lot to say, "I know you like me. I like you too, you know that right? But right now I am not ready for a relationship. I am just 18 and I have a lot to do. I have different priorities.I want to achieve something first. And I can't waste time on a relationship. There are so many boys in our college. I'll find a boyfriend for you. You don't have to stay with me. And I don't want you to expect anything from me." I was hurt. I was hurt not because he did not want to be in a relationship with me, but because he did not have faith in me. How could he think that I just wanted a boyfriend? How could he think that I would leave him if he couldn't be in a relationship with me. "I'll be with you. I don't care about the relationship thing. You are there with me, that is more than enough. But you have to have faith in me first. I won't go away just because you have other priorities." I almost yelled. He seemed to be satisfied with the answer. He did not say anything else. He promised to meet me after classes and went away...And we did meet...everything was normal, like nothing ever happened. I have no idea what am I trying to do with my life. But one thing is clear in my mind. I am not going to expect anything...Expectation is the cause of all trouble!