The journey begins

We have reached Manali. I am sitting in the hotel room writing this. We started the journey yesterday. Yesterday was beautiful. I performed for the first time. We, the first years, gave our first ever performance! I cannot even explain the feeling. Performing in front of so many children...performing for a cause...I felt proud!

We didn't have much time after the performance to prepare for our trip to Manali. So all the 'Anantians' who were going on the trip rushed back to the college to make it in time. My house is near college so everybody had kept their belongings at my place. Palak, Suchit, Riya, Abhi, Aanchal, Kashif, Isha, Vasudha, me and...RV are a group! I finally told RV that I knew he was coming. He did not react much (as always) but he definitely did not like it. 

We all went to the college only to find out that the bus hadn't arrived yet. We were having fun. We clicked photographs,  we cracked jokes and were eagerly waiting for the journey to begin. At 4:30 in the evening the wait was finally over. We were on our way in a few minutes laughing, playing and singing. We had a great time in the bus. 

We all were standing in a row, singing when the bus stopped with a jerk. We all fell one over another. Everybody else started laughing on us. We quickly stood up. Kashif had fell on me so he was behind me. He hid himself behind me n pushed me forth to quickly occupy one of the seats to save himself from the embarrassment. That was so damn hilarious. We were all laughing hard afterwards.

As night fell, everybody started dozing off one after another. RV was sitting next to me. We were holding hands. After some time he started playing with my hands...I felt nice...After a while....I SLEPT! When I woke up in the morning, I could see a disgusted look on RV's face. We finally reached the hotel. We were given time to freshen up and now we are going to visit Rohtang pass. I don't know what it is, but I am enjoying the trip already. I have to go now. Everybody's waiting!

The secret!

Today RV went shopping with me. And that, dearest diary, was the most annoying shopping session ever. I simply love shopping. Shopping brings me to life. It is actually my life. Whenever I am sad, I just shop and shop. And then I am perfectly fine again! And guys do not know anything about shopping. They just spoil the whole thing. So did RV. Thankfully, I had not planned to shop much. Otherwise I would have killed him for ruining it. Actually he would have never gone with me had he known that I was going shopping. He somehow misunderstood the whole thing. He thought we were just going to spend some time together. He was so pissed at me. But, he is sweet and nice to me all the time. Never does he complain much.

And you know what? He has got his name for the college trip registered. He didn't tell me that. That was supposed to be a surprise for me. But I came to know today. We were heading back home. We were sitting in the local bus. I received of message from Abhi. He said that he wanted to tell me a secret but said that I had to promise him that I would keep it safe. I obviously said yes. He would have told me anyways! His message was "RV will be joining us for the trip. He just wants to give you a surprise so he did not tell you. Please don't tell him that I told you. I just thought you should know." I seriously felt like dance after reading this message. I started smiling. RV asked me why was I smiling without a reason but I didn't tell him that I knew the big secret. Though I now know that Abhi is not good at keeping secrets.

I had never imagined that RV is such a romantic person and I am so special for him. Well, I have had boys drooling over me before but I never felt so good about someone doing something special for me. It just seems so right!

The first kiss and something totally unexpected...

I kissed him on his cheek today. It was abrupt and unexpected. He was talking to someone and was looking so cute. I just couldn't resist it! I gave him a peck on the cheek. He stood there, silent! For a moment he did not realize what had happened. He started fumbling. He was distracted. I enjoyed watching his reaction. But I was equally embarrassed at what I had done.

This was not the only unexpected thing that happened today. I was sitting in the canteen when RV came to me and said, "Listen, I want to talk to you. It is really urgent." Ugh! This is the most annoying line. I just get nervous when someone says this. I tried to look totally indifferent, "Yes, tell me. What is it?" "No, not here. I want to talk to you in private." This made me even more nervous. I tried to recall things. Had I done something wrong? What did I do? My mind started racing. He walked towards the classrooms and I followed him. He was looking for an empty classroom. Finally we settled in one of the rooms. The look on his face told me it was serious. He cleared his throat as if he had a lot to say, "I know you like me. I like you too, you know that right? But right now I am not ready for a relationship. I am just 18 and I have a lot to do. I have different priorities.I want to achieve something first. And I can't waste time on a relationship. There are so many boys in our college. I'll find a boyfriend for you. You don't have to stay with me. And I don't want you to expect anything from me." I was hurt. I was hurt not because he did not want to be in a relationship with me, but because he did not have faith in me. How could he think that I just wanted a boyfriend? How could he think that I would leave him if he couldn't be in a relationship with me. "I'll be with you. I don't care about the relationship thing. You are there with me, that is more than enough. But you have to have faith in me first. I won't go away just because you have other priorities." I almost yelled. He seemed to be satisfied with the answer. He did not say anything else. He promised to meet me after classes and went away...And we did meet...everything was normal, like nothing ever happened. I have no idea what am I trying to do with my life. But one thing is clear in my mind. I am not going to expect anything...Expectation is the cause of all trouble!

A lot coming ahead!

I am soo busy these days. In a few days I'll be performing for the first time. Anant is to perform in a government school, as I told you. Basically, it is a street play (nukad naatak) and our theme is PAISA (money). Well, I don't have a very special role, but as they say, every role is important! But RV's role is totally awesome. And he delivers it even better! He is playing a woman. WOW! and when we see him we just can't help laughing. He is so dedicated that he concentrates only on his work when we are practicing. He doesn't even talk to me. And that reminds me to tell you what I didn't. 

Yes, he did miss me! I was so relieved and happy when he told me that he missed me. I came back to Delhi a few days ago and I directly went to attend the session. RV was already sitting there. He saw me and smiled. I smiled back. When we had some free time, he came to me and said hello. Honestly, I did not expect to get such a "cold" reply. But later when we were sitting in the park he said, "I should have hugged you when you came. We met after so long and I just said hello." I shyly replied, "No, it is alright. You don't have to do something because you think it has to be done that way because we like each other. Do it only if you feel like." Well, he changed the topic after that. I asked him if he was ready to start a relationship now. He requested me to have a little patience. He said he is waiting for the right time I don't know what does he want and what is he thinking. What does right time mean? I sometimes don't understand him at all.

Anyways, I was talking about the street play. So we are working hard. It is extremely hot and we practice in the ground. I am so excited. Our play is on the 1st of November. On that very day we also have a college trip..A trip to Manali. Suchit and Abhi are interested to go. Riya also wants to go. Everybody is confused. Sometimes they say they'll go and sometimes they say they'll not. Lets see what they decide. I'll go only if these guys go. My classmates are totally hopeless. Don't expect much from them. I am damn sure they'll never go. Ofcourse, their "boyfriends" won't be there. Waise bhi I won't enjoy with them. RV won't be going though. He has a debate competition on 2nd of November. He is a champion! He has won so many prizes in debate competitions. I wouldn't have known it had it not been the day when he came back to college with a certificate in his hand. He had secured the first position. I was amazed. I did not know RV would be this talented. I was so overwhelmed that I hugged him tightly in front of everybody. I could see him blushing. He was speechless for a minute. He! He! But now I am disappointed that he won't be there in the trip but I know that he won't listen to anyone..not even me. He'll do only what he wants to. So what? I have a life! I'll enjoy with him...or without him. Hmm....a lot coming ahead!

College tomorrow

Finally, the day I was waiting for is here! Tomorrow I am going back to Delhi. I want to meet RV. He maintained his word. He did not talk to me for 15 days. Well, he talked me but he was in touch with me only through social networking site, Orkut. We used to exchange scraps and everything but he never did attend my calls. And he has not been online for the last four days. He did not even wish me this Diwali. I am doubtful now. Did he really miss me? I am so eager to go back to Delhi and ask him the questions that have been haunting me ever since I left Delhi. I do not have much to write today. There is a lot running in my mind. I don't know where to start from. I kept poking RV and reminding him that I am there because I was afraid...insecure..I want him to miss me.

And the other thing I have to think about right now is the street play. In a few days I'll be performing for the first time. Akhil bhaiya told me that we'll be doing this play in some government school. I am so excited. I'll be  acting in front of so many people for the first time. Waiting for tomorrow...

Last day!

He won't talk to me for 15 days. I feel the reason he has given is somewhat lame! He said, "I want to make sure that my feelings for you are strong enough. I want to test my love or liking for you. This is the best time as you are going to Chandigarh and I won't have to come across you everyday." Huh! I am going to miss him real bad. And I am getting insecure now..too many things in head..what if he doesn't really miss me? What if he feels he doesn't want to enter into a relationship with me? Everything will be over. 

Anyways, what gives me some hope is that that today's day was beautiful. RV was really upset that I am going tomorrow. He wanted to spend the whole day with me alone, without interference from anybody. I felt so important. Though I had to spend time with others as well. I couldn't help it! I'll miss all my friends and I wanted to be with them too. We are social animals and we cannot survive without lots and lots of friends. There is not just one person in our life. Moreover, I didn't want everyone to talk about RV and me! So I avoided being alone with him. 

We went to IIT today. We had a lot of fun. A bus was arranged and we all met near the college campus. When I sat in the bus, RV came and reserved a seat for himself, next to me. He kept his bag on the seat and made it a point to keep a check that no one sat on that seat when he was with other people. We were secretly holding hands. I am not very open. Though, I am very bold and frank, but I don't believe in public display of affection. I don't want to look like an asshole in love. It doesn't suit my personality. Coming back, when we reached IIT, RV wanted to spend time with me and only me! He asked me to follow him to some secluded place. But Ahaan ( Do I need to mention that he is also an Anantian?) said he was going that way too and he would not mind accompanying us. But Ahaan, RV did mind! RV, indirectly, tried explaining things to Ahaan but Ahaan had no idea about what was going on. That situation was so comical, I couldn't help laughing. In the end, we did not get the chance to be alone. 

Later, during the jam session, RV took me to that secluded place. We sat there for more than an hour. He had become so emotional all of a sudden. He said that he did not want me to go and he was not happy that I was going. I had to force him to get up and join others. Later I felt bad that I did not give him the time he deserved. We reached back college at 8 in the night and went straight to our 'adda'. We clicked a lot of photographs and RV insisted that we got some nice pictures clicked together. He is changing. The lost guy I knew is actually be so romantic!

Well....I hope this was not our last day together. I just hope that RV misses me..

Coming closer

Everybody knows about RV and me. They keep asking me questions like, "Hey, are you guys dating?" "Who proposed?" "When did it all start?". I just have one answer for everyone, "We are not in a relationship. We just LIKE each other. We want to know each other more." Though I would love to be in a relationship with RV right now but he says he wants to know me better before starting anything serious. We spend hours chatting and talking about our lives with each other. He sits with me till late in the night. We like spending time together. And everyday he comes to drop me home and leaves only after hugging me. This feeling is just so pure. It feels like I am loving for the first time, although it is not so! Neither is it RV's first love nor is it mine. I don't care how many relationships I have been in. That is all past and I have buried it all. I don't feel it is necessary to tell RV about my past. What I care about is the present..because RV, unlike the other guys, means a lot to me. I become a kid again when I am with him.

RV is not expressive and sometimes totally insensitive, yet I know that he cares a lot about me. And he even becomes possessive now. Finally, I have achieved it! Today Riya (another Anantian) and I were flirting with Raghav (that has become my favorite past time i guess!) and RV stopped me from doing that. Surprisingly, I felt good about it. 


Even I got jealous today. After the session all of us were sitting in the ground when Isha suddenly went to RV and sat on his lap. Riya and I stared in amazement. What was she trying to do? She even tried holding RV's hand and when she realized I was watching she suddenly withdrew her hand. I was  furious. Being my friend, how could she do that to me? After that Riya and I deliberately teased RV and passed offensive comments. "Yeah RV, how nice of you. You don't want to hurt anybody so if a random girl comes to you and politely asks you to have sex you can't possibly deny, right?" RV was embarrassed. He started giving explanations. He said that she was not sitting on his lap. I knew he was trying to defend himself. But after that he surely did one thing...stayed away from Isha!!!! 

Tomorrow we are all going to attend IIT's fest. The senior Anatians have booked a bus. I am looking forward to this one day with RV and ofcourse all the Anantians because day after tomorrow I am leaving for my mother's house in Chandigarh for 15 days...!

..and the love story begins

RV likes me! I am so lucky...Every time I like a guy, he falls for me. But RV falling for me was like a distant dream. RV is very special. I like him very much . Today he confessed his feelings for me.

The day started like any other day. I did not attend classes, as usual. I was sitting in the canteen with other Anantians, wasting time. RV came after his classes were over. It's Saturday so there was no session today. RV, Raghav and I were sitting in the college ground. I was flirting with both RV and Raghav. With RV, because I like flirting with him and with Raghav, because I wanted to make RV jealous. Raghav is another Anantian and studying Mathematical Science. Raghav was also flirting with me. He held my hand and said that he likes me. As for RV...no reaction! At one point I was actually frustrated to see all my attempts failing. 

Feeling defeated, to RV I said, "I want to eat ice cream. Are you getting me one?" To my surprise his reply was, "Ya sure, but you'll have to come along." We bid Raghav good bye and started walking towards the ice cream parlor. We usually hold hands now so, like always I squeezed my hand into his hand. This time, quite unexpectedly, RV pulled back his hand. He said, "Please, I don't wanna get addicted to you. Don't play with my emotions. For you I am like every other guy you flirt with. But it is not the same for me." I was dumbfounded. I was completely blank for a few seconds. After I realized what he had just said I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. But I didn't know how to react or what to say. Finally I forced words out of my mouth, "N....no...nooo..you are not like the other guys to me. I mean....I....I like you. I just have a little fun with other guys. But I didn't know that you like me too. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I was afraid. You are same with all the guys. I was trying to suppress my feelings because I thought they were of no use." he was blushing when he said this. I took his hand into mine and said, "Trust me...I like you and you need not fear anything." He looked into my eyes. There was something more than just friendship for me in his eyes. I assured him that I wasn't going anywhere. And every word that I said is true. I'll never go anywhere. I'll be with him. Things are falling into place. Everything is fine now. As for my past..I have left it behind and it will never be a part of my present. 

Playing the game!

RV's behavior has changed towards me since my birthday (umm..or I assume?). He is friendlier. For the past few days our seniors have been so irritated with us because we keep on chatting all the time during the dram soc sessions. Yea Yea! I know that is bad because my main focus should be acting but what can I do when he talks! I cannot possible ignore him, right? Well, there is more! 

After sessions, many of the Anantians go to their permanent 'adda' to have a cup of tea and some moments with friends. Now I am an Anantian so it is my adda too. We sit for hours talking, laughing, sharing. No passerby ever walks away without looking and smiling at us at least once. No one minds our shouting there because the vendors seem to like us. I feel alive when I am there. We do what we want. We are never without company. RV also spends time with everyone though it takes him not less than two hours to reach his house.

Seniors have started linking us up. That is fun. RV and me! And the most astonishing thing is that he doesn't seem to mind it too. Instead, he has asked me to play along. Now, when we are with the seniors at our adda, we pretend as if we like each other. They know we are just pretending. But we do it for fun. Today we were sitting on a bench in the park and suddenly RV held my hand when he saw some seniors watching us and started talking to me as if planning for the future. For him it was drama, for me it was real! I felt a chill run down my spine as our fingers entwined. 

We have been playing this 'game' for days now but he held my hand for the first time. In fact, he is the kind of guy who would never let a random girl touch him. Few days back Isha tried hugging him. He drew himself away. He says he is not very 'hug friendly'. He doesn't even shake hands with most of the girls. He has never hugged a girl in college as far as I know. Then why did he hold my hand? Just to be in limelight? Or just to have some fun? Or something else? I even flirt with other guys to see if he gets jealous but he never seems to mind. I don't want to elevate my hopes but I can't help it. He doesn't know that I like him and the liking has grown with time. Yes, I am enjoying everything but still need to know his feelings. At least of one thing I am proud of. I have finally started liking someone seriously!! 

17th September - My birthday!

Today is my birthday...It's almost over though....!! It was the best birthday ever...I am so happy today....and guess what happened today. I got a call from some random landline number. When I picked up the phone, someone was playing 'Happy birthday' on guitar. I didn't know who it was but that gesture made me feel really special. And later someone was singing 'happy birthday'. I couldn't recognize the voice. When the person wished me birthday and stopped singing, I asked him who he was. He asked me to guess. I could not! I requested him to break the suspense. He said "RV speaking. How was the surprise?" I almost fainted! Was it really RV? I was blushing. He was the first person to wish me. He called me at 12 midnight. What could be a better day? I had least expected a call from him. He talked to me for 15 minutes. I did not attend any other call during that time. I could have ignored the whole world for that conversation. Luckily, my family came with a cake and some gifts after I had disconnected the phone. When I slept, I had a huge smile on my face. Palak (we share the same room) was staring at me, surprised.

Morning was good and I went to the college all dressed up. My friend and classmate Taru wished me with a bouquet of pink roses. It was beautiful. That was not it! When I went to my class my friends surprised me with a chocolate cake. It felt good. But that cake was meant to please my skin, hair and clothes rather than my stomach! Oh what a mess I was in! My face was covered with chocolate and RV and Aanchal (a friend) held me by my hands and made me take a round of the whole college with that face! To embarrass me more, all my friends were following me everywhere and singing ‘happy birthday’ all the while. People were staring at us. But I didn’t mind the embarrassment because RV was holding my hand. I was glad that my red face had been hidden by the brown chocolate. But later, I had to spend 2 hours in the saloon to get that mess on my face and head cleared!

After college I had a party organized at a disc called Ice cubes. The party was organized jointly by my classmate Rashmi and me. Her birthday also falls on the same day. We had invited some thirty people to the party. I had invited all my friends and some seniors from the dramatic society as well. RV was coming! I wore a bottle green coloured halter dress and got my otherwise curly hair straightened. I knew I was looking good. As always, I was late for my own party. Rashmi was so annoyed with me. Ha! Ha! But what a grand entry I made

RV and Suchit were to come by Suchit’s bike.  When Suchit saw me he said I was looking sexy. RV said I was looking pretty. Ahh..I felt like it was the best day. We all danced a lot. I danced with RV also. RV had a camera. He clicked photographs of everyone. I got some pictures clicked with him. RV gifted me roses, chocolates and a teddy bear, everything that I like. When the party was over Taru and some friends told me that RV had been staring at me all the time at the party. I felt butterflies in my stomach but I did not believe Taru. I said to her, “Oh come on! It is not possible. That guy and staring at me? You are probably mistaken.” They tried to convince me that I had been the center of his attention all the time. I just ignored what they said because I did not want to have any expectations. The beautiful day finally came to an end.

But just as I had reached home, RV called me up again and greeted me once more in the same way as he had done yester night.  And now he sends me a message.  A childish yet sweet poem dedicated to me.  Why is he doing all this? Is this feeling mutual? I am so looking forward to what tomorrow has in store for me. This time is fun and exciting and my 19^th birthday is my best birthday ever!